How to find your fulcrum in life? How to find a fulcrum

Supports can be external and internal. For example, successful work, a favorite business - in general, what gives satisfaction, financial security and confidence in the future, become an excellent external support.

A close-knit family, a caring environment is also a support. According to numerous studies, people who have a strong connection with relatives, close friends, and friends are much happier and healthier than those who do not maintain warm relations with relatives. Understanding and support in the family protects us from adversity and helps us cope with the blows of fate with less loss.

  Religion can also serve as a support, which often gives comfort and tells how to behave.

Inner core

However, external supports are often unreliable: the people around us, their favorite work, can not always give us what we want. Therefore, a person must necessarily have internal supports. And then in difficult circumstances, he can not only ask for help, but also support himself.

One of these powerful internal pillars is our values. Attitude to the fundamental things in life, ideas about morality, our internal obligations to ourselves. A clear and strong value system helps to survive when things go wrong. It is easier for a person who lives in harmony with himself to follow his inner voice, not trying to meet the expectations of others or to fit into the social framework. Therefore, such failures are experienced by such people more easily than those who are dependent on the opinions of others.

Source of energy

The ideal option is when you can rely on yourself and other people. But you’re still more on yourself, because those you rely on may themselves not be in the best shape and will not be able to support you.

Reliance on yourself is your personal magical source that nourishes self-esteem and gives resistance to difficulties. A self-confident person is little dependent on others - on their goodwill, mood, promises. This is the power. It helps not to feel helpless in front of any challenges and at the same time attracts people to you, makes you a leader.

But sometimes there is a confusion between the concepts of "rely on oneself" and "fundamentally refuse the help of others." Reliance on yourself implies that you do not expect that someone will patronize you, solve your problems and turn life into a real pleasure and celebration. It implies that you can solve your problems yourself, as well as enjoy life, while remaining in contact with other people, sharing joys with them, turning to them for support if you feel that your own resources are still not enough.

First reader

Natalia Zemtsova, actress:

- It seems to me that I have not yet found my psychological support in life. But I always wanted to be proud of my family. Perhaps it makes me get up off the couch. The words "we love you so much" do not suit me. I want to be the best, so that my son proudly says: "This is my mother!"

Pivot points - this is what allows us to feel confident and calm.

External points of support - this is what can cause addiction, because it is in the outside world: the approval of other people, their opinions, their tips and advice, compliments, support, help, protection, love. These are always unstable and temporary things that we are afraid to lose.

The internal points of support are what we can find within ourselves and cannot lose in any way, because it is always with us. This is our internal resource, our inner peace, support of our kind, connection with God, our own intuition and wisdom, our skills, our ability to build relationships with people and our ability to bring real benefits to other people.

The most important element of spiritual development is the transition from external points of support - to internal. We stop relying on the external, temporary and instead rely on the internal, the eternal.

For example, we develop our own intuition and wisdom, we understand that it is much more adequate than the opinion and advice of other people, and we begin to trust it.

For example, we learn what God's love is, what kind of support is our kind, and these feelings allow us to stop urgently needing the “love” of parents and other people in the form of their approval and good attitude towards us. We have found love within ourselves, and it becomes a fulcrum.

Internal points of support do not give absolute independence. We are always dependent on other people, there is nothing wrong with that. We are social beings, we live at the expense of each other, helping each other, interacting, exchanging values.

What independence does the internal fulcrum give?

For example: you do not know how to create value for other people, in this case you depend on the person who agrees to pay you money for at least something. You will be afraid to upset this person, because you are afraid that he will expel you. And then you may not find someone who will pay you at least the same amount. You do not know what is in you that is why you can be provided. Therefore, your foothold is another person who is currently paying you money. And this is scary.

But if you know how to do something very useful, which few can do, and are aware of this value, then you have no fear and anxiety. You feel confident, you are not afraid that you will be fired or kicked out, because, firstly, it is unlikely, because you know what value you give, and secondly, you will instantly find other people who are ready to pay you no less. Note: you still seem to be dependent on other people. But at the same time you are in peace and confidence. Because your fulcrum is not other people, but your ability to benefit people, with which you will always be well off and free enough.

If a woman is not yet capable of this, she will be jealous of her husband, she will be afraid that he will not give her the necessary abundance and security, that he might leave her, she begins to cut him, etc. Because the husband in this case is the external point of support.

Where there is an external point of support, there is always a fear of losing, a desire to keep and control.

That which is within us is neither to be held nor controlled. It is impossible to lose.

If you look closely at the activity of people in this world, you will find that most of them, not knowing this, are in constant search of support. But in reality, people almost never find it, because there can be no genuine internal support in the external world. Peter Zorin

When we internally focus on objective reality, our happiness begins to depend on the outside world. And then the outside world is forced to continue to provide us with supports: material, emotional, financial, physical, related to relationships. If suddenly a failure occurs and the supply stops, we are in a deep crisis. Peter Zorin

People who do not have internal support sometimes assume that it can be found in another person. The unexpected behavior of a loved one is then regarded as the collapse of all the pillars. An attempt to compensate, thus, the lack of their own internal support has never been successful before.

If tired of straining, lost faith in oneself, what is desired does not seem so alluring - all these actions were not connected with internal support.

To achieve maturity, a person needs to overcome his desire to receive support from the outside world and find new sources of support in himself.

Maturity or mental health is the ability to switch from relying on the environment and from regulating oneself to the environment to relying on oneself and self-regulation. Frederick Perls

The main condition for both self-reliance and self-regulation is a state of equilibrium. The condition for achieving this equilibrium is the awareness of one’s needs, the distinction between the main and the secondary.

The ability to rely on yourself sprouts and grows stronger when you gain the ability to do what you think is necessary. Do whatever your environment thinks about it. You yourself should have a sense of the importance of what you are doing.

Growing up, or maturity, occurs when a person mobilizes his strength and ability to overcome the depression, anxiety, frustration, despair and fear that arise due to the lack of support from others.

A situation in which a person cannot take advantage of the support of others and rely on himself is called a dead end. Maturity is the ability to take risks in order to get out of the impasse.

The search for the guilty or the desire to manipulate deprive a person of a point of support. Recognition of responsibility opens up a sea of \u200b\u200bopportunity, freedom and choice.

The fulcrum in itself gives the realization that the source of happiness, stability, reliability is within us, gives strength to meet different situations calmly, with wisdom and courage.

Reliance in oneself is love guided by inner wisdom, and it does not depend on results obtained from without. It is not driven by fear, is not based on titles and ranks, points of view, property, money, a specific person or any external activity. Davigi

The most powerful support in the world is love, the strongest support in life is the inner core. Juliana Wilson

People with true inner support are self-sufficient. They do not need someone who could support them, confirm their innocence, or console them. One of the very important features of such people is their inner honesty before themselves. Peter Zorin

Any external changes begin within us, with a change in the focus of our perception. As soon as we find ourselves and believe in ourselves, many of our problems that seemed insoluble will go away. A person who wants to become a channel of universal power must learn to accept himself and rely on himself.

When a person finds a foothold in himself, the mental stereotypes of the environment cease to play a decisive role for him. He does not accept other people's opinions as an indisputable authority. He does not creep before customs and traditions. He does not accept the sense of duty imposed on him. Without even feeling the need to go into conflict with people, he will be internally free from their conventions. For this reason, a self-trusting person is difficult to seduce or intimidate. It is difficult to pressure or manipulate.

Such a person trusts himself, and not his opinions and views - and therefore it will not be difficult for him to change his point of view when the need arises. He values \u200b\u200btruth higher than the concrete formulation of truth.

Education in oneself of will, courage, justice and honesty changes a person’s relationship with the outside world and leads to the maturation of the individual. There are also feedbacks that, when educating the above four external manifestations of the inner spirit, open up the human heart and thereby reveal its spirit.

When a fulcrum is found, then the person feels the desire to act, to realize his abilities, to set goals, go to them, develop. And when a person thinks and acts, he simply does not have time for the suffering inherent in the state of external support.

The goal of a person relying on himself is the desire for self-realization of his mission on Earth. He chose for himself a path that has no end, on which his aspirations for infinite perfection will be satisfied. The external world for him, in which all other people live, will simultaneously serve him and the school, in which all the events that take place will serve as lessons for him on his path to infinite perfection, and at the same time, the external reality will be the basis of his physical existence on The earth. Peter Zorin

And only the heart can tell each person whether he really needs to go where he is going, and it may turn out that even if the rest of the population of the Earth needs it, he is the only one whose path should lie in a different direction. And this direction is the direction of harmonization of one’s being. Enmerkar

When we rely on ourselves in everything, we believe that we are the divine self-expression of the universe and that our words, thoughts and deeds reflect the divine. Davigi

The fulcrum is a state in which nothing affects us, and we ourselves are able to return ourselves to a state in which we act on the situation in the right way, harmoniously manifesting ourselves.

Be a lamp for yourself
  Be your own support
  Stick to your own truth
  as the only light. Erich Fromm

Find a fulcrum in yourself. Growing up and maturity of personality. Psychological quotes and statements.

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The world around us cannot be rejected or accepted. Running away from it is like running away from your own feet.Taking it is like kissing your own lips.You only need one thing: to watch, understand, relax and just be this world.

Throwing from one extreme to another is a favorite habit of the ego. A man immersed in egoism constantly divides everything in two. People-on the good and the bad, smart or dumb, good and evil, their own and others, and so on. He also sees the world divided in two: they rigidly reject part of it, the second part they thoughtlessly accept. In communication with people, they are usually thrown out of rejection into dependence. Life in separation is very much like riding on a swing - now up and down. The higher you go up, the more chances there are to fall to the ground and not get up anymore ... the best option would be a wheel ... or rather, running in a circle .. in search of polarities. Therefore, it is not wise to look for points of support in the outside world. What do you rely on in your life? On someone else's thoughts, principles and postulates, beliefs and dogmas? On material things, the presence of which gives you "pseudo-confidence"? To constantly compete with other people? What are you wasting your time on? There are those who rush to the other extreme - rest, austerities, hermitism, life avoidance. What do you strive for in the end? And why is it so empty, dreary and painful inside, even when you have achieved in the outside world all that which you so longed for? Because it makes no sense to look for fulcrum outward. All your true supports are within you, in your heart.

Peace among peace is not true peace. Only when you find peace in movement can you truly comprehend the heavenly nature. Fun in the midst of fun is not true joy. Only when you experience joy in sorrow do you understand how the heart lives. If You have Love in your heart, then You do not need anything else. If You do not have Love, then it does not matter what You still have.

The energy of love is the basis of the internal balance in man. She does not divide the world into parts, she allows it to be taken holistically at the same time, to accept herself in the picture of the world. The energy of love is your support in life, a powerful foundation that allows you to enjoy life, every moment of it. And then to the question: “How long will it take me to solve my problem?”, You will answer: “Not a second more than to understand it” because you do not divide your life into the past and the future, you live in the present and solve all problems life here and now. You know that everything that happens in your reality, you can solve beautifully. After all, everything that is done with love always turns into beauty. Based on the foregoing, a psychologist, instead of playing with you your favorite game - separation and diving into your now defunct past in search of "injuries" and making them your present, can teach you to love yourself today, spreading the energy of love of today to your whole life: both past and future. It will help you find a foothold in yourself, and will not become a support for you for many years of therapy.

What is the work of the Master? Asked one important visitor. To teach people to laugh, enjoy today, ”the Master answered with a serious look.

Joy is the outward manifestation of the energy of love within you. Cheerfulness is your ability to fill your life with joy. Love and joy are the true pillars of a life filled with happiness.

“God forbid you to live in the Age of Change” (Chinese wisdom).

The crisis, the disturbing news on TV, the growing tension in the world ... A difficult period when it is easy to lose stability. Increased stress leads to increased levels of anxiety and aggression, sleep disturbance, psychosomatic diseases, conflicts with loved ones ... How not to lose yourself in this chaos? What is our psychological support and how to develop it?

Change does not always depend on us, whether it is a change for the better or for the worse. We have no power over many circumstances. At any moment, the familiar system of external supports can get out from under your feet. And then you have to rely only on yourself and on the internal supports.

What is the inner support.

Reliance - that which gives a sense of stability, reliability, and therefore - security. The basis, the symbolic "earthly firmament". Our external support system is, first of all, close people on whom we “rely”, that is, we feel their support. Even when they are not there, we know that they are in our lives, and this makes it easier. But a loved one can voluntarily or involuntarily fail: in a difficult moment to betray or simply not be able to come to the rescue. This can be a real tragedy if the internal support system is insufficient.

Our inner support is the ability to find support in ourselves. Count on yourself and your own resources. That it allows you not to get lost in the most difficult situations, during the stages of change. Remember the toy "vanka-vstanka"? A properly located center of gravity helps the toy level out, no matter what happens. This is a good metaphor for our internal stability: if external stress is excessive, it can overturn us. The most important thing is to level out later, and this can be done at the expense of internal balance.

There are people who primarily rely on external support, that is, on someone else. And someone - hopes, first of all, on himself.
Of course, it’s more correct for an adult to rely on himself. But this becomes a problem if you rely only on yourself. We need a balance: stand on our own feet, but also be able, if necessary, to seek help.

How and when our stronghold is formed.

Our internal system of support, self-sufficiency is formed as a reflection of external support. This happens in childhood and adolescence. First, there is an external figure that the child is counting on. First of all, these are parents, but also other adult family members, teachers, then friends ... There is a process of symbolic “absorption” of this support system. In her image and likeness, a system of self-support is formed already in adulthood: as the child was cared for, so he takes care of himself in the future.

What was the external support, such will become the internal.

Violations.

If the environment was moderately supportive and caring, then in adulthood we can count on ourselves.
Excessive care infantilizes: such a person will continue to rely only on others.

Lack of care and support in childhood leads to two extremes: either infantility and helplessness, as in the previous example. Or to incorrect, excessive independence: such a person relies only on himself, but does not know how to take care of himself.

Violation of external support in childhood prevents the formation of internal support.

How to develop your support system.

It is important to develop the ability to rely on oneself, to maintain internal stability.

If the external support is unpredictable, then the internal one is always with us. Therefore, an adult must first develop self-sufficiency.

We offer several exercises from body-oriented psychotherapy aimed at developing internal support. They will help you, like a toy vanka-vstanka, even out even in stressful situations.

1 "Magnet".  During the exercise, walk around the room, preferably barefoot. Imagine that you are literally magnetized to the floor. You have to slowly tear off your foot, you roll it on the floor. Then she presses hard onto the floor. Feel the stability of the earth, its reliability. Feel this feeling. Try to feel your legs as much as possible. Lead time: about 10 minutes. 2 "Axis". Stand steady. Imagine an axis passing through your spine, right through the center of your body. It begins above, above the head, And then goes to the ground. This is your symbolic inner core. Reliance that is always with you. Start spinning around this axis, slowly, and clockwise and counterclockwise, in different directions. Keep the image of the rod on which you lean, around which you rotate. Feel how you calm down. Do the exercise for about 10 minutes. 3 “Vanka-vstanka”.  Stand up, place your feet approximately shoulder-width apart, they should be soft and stable, maintaining their strength, like panther paws. Put your hands on the lower abdomen - there is our center of gravity, balance. Imagine it as a ball. Start swinging with your whole body, slowly, while gently increasing the amplitude. Your task is to feel your ball, how it helps your body maintain stability, despite wiggling. Gives alignment. In difficult situations, you can then return to the image of this ball in the lower abdomen, and it will help you maintain a psychological balance. Exercise execution time: 5-7 minutes. four “Imagine your skeleton.” This exercise is done lying on your back in a free open pose: arms and legs are freely spread out. Imagine that you look at yourself from the side with magical x-ray vision and see your skeleton inside the body. Consider carefully how stable it is, one, all its parts are interconnected. This is your support, which is always with you. Now feel it inside your body. If for some reason the image that has arisen is not complete, and you feel less of your skeleton in some parts of the body, try to make it full, to feel everything, your whole body. Time: about 10 minutes. 5 “Drinking”.  Lie on your back, put your hands on the lower abdomen. Imagine the center of gravity there, the center of equilibrium as a ball. What colour is he? What color do you support and balance with? And now imagine how this color spills out of a ball all over the body. It nourishes it, fills it with support and stability. Feel the body relax. The exercise takes about 15 minutes. 6 "Roots."  Stand steady. Imagine you are a sprout sprouting into the ground. Roots come from your feet to the ground, allowing you to be a stable plant, to be nourished by the juices of the earth, to grow up. Well imagine the roots coming from each foot. If you don’t like the image (roots, for example, are weak), transform it with the power of active imagination. Try to bring your image to the best for yourself. Enjoy the feeling of stability. About 15 minutes. 7 "Snake".  You can put rhythmic music in the background. Sit firmly, the best of all - in Turkish (if you feel comfortable). Imagine your spine is a snake. And the snake is dancing: wriggling. Move your back to the music, repeating the smooth movements of this “snake”. From top to bottom, include the whole back in the dance. Feel your spine flexible, durable, healthy. Enjoy his dance.

The regular implementation of these exercises helps to improve self-regulation, increases adaptability, and develops a system of internal support.