Internal fulcrum. Fulcrum - you need to create strength in yourself from scratch
This is a basic exercise, which is included in almost any of my sessions and integrates into almost any set of exercises. In order to start doing something, you must first determine where you are, find point A, decide on a place on the map. Only after that you can search for point B, where you want to get, and get directions. If you don’t know where you are, the rest of the actions are absurd.
Moreover, you need to find yourself by all the basic measurement systems: in a situation, i.e. in the logic of what is happening, in space, determine the feelings, needs, directions of movement. All these parameters are necessary to determine their exact coordinates and to realize their position.
To solve this problem, it is easiest to use the Five Points of Balance exercise. This exercise was developed by my teacher Oleg Matveev on the basis of the books of David Schnarch translated by him, which spoke about four points of balance. Matveev reworked this theory and he got five points of balance, which I use in my work.
What are these five points of balance?
I already wrote about this exercise in articles about my work. In this article I will try to give a more complete description.
Five points of balance.
1. Presence in the situation. When you realize what is happening, you are in a situation and you can describe it. Without interpreting, without switching to judgments and condemnations, to emotions, indignation, complaints and anger. This is the very first point of balance. It requires the inclusion of our head mind, our logic.
This point is in place, if you can more or less calmly describe what the situation is. When you realize that what is happening is not a dream, not a swoon, not “cannot be!”, But everything really happens in reality and can be confirmed by your eyesight, hearing, taste, touch or smell.
2. Space, me, my body. This is the second point of balance. It allows you to find yourself in a situation. Consciousness in a situation closes feelings like: “This does not happen to me”, “This cannot happen to me”, “I seem to see everything from the side”, and allows me to realize myself in the situation.
I propose to consider myself in three ways: from the point of view of occupied space, from the point of view of the source of attention and radiated energy, and from the point of view of the physical body.
Space. Everyone has a certain sense of space, for example, while driving, we feel the dimensions of our car almost like the borders of our own body, expanding our attention to these boundaries.
When we feel good, we feel confident, safe, our space is large, our shoulders are deployed, we make wide gestures. When we feel bad, we experience fear and insecurity - our space is shrinking, and our body, with our awareness, is curling up, trying to squeeze itself into the most narrow borders, take up less space.
Your space is a space that you can feel and control. Significant businessmen or the top of the government carry a large space with them, when they enter the room, they immediately create a sense of the significance of the figure that has entered, they seem to immediately make their space. And in a person with panic attacks, the space is compressed inside the boundaries of the body, and this is an extremely unpleasant sensation, to put it mildly.
The feeling of one’s space can be gained by directing and keeping one’s attention in the surrounding space. The mere ability to hold attention in space can significantly increase your confidence and decide the outcome of negotiations, for example.
There are certain nuances in working with space: it’s important to choose the right amount of space, not too big and not too small, to realize that other people can be in the space that you consider to be your own, and that’s why you don’t stop feeling and controlling it, feeling of a partner in your space is a separate issue. Very interesting in terms of working with space, the training manual Cronin S. “Tolerant actions for successful communication”, there is about how to use the resource of space to help you. And the resource is the most powerful.
I AM. This is the source of our subjectivity, attention, energy, the one who senses. Our core, the energy egg, the totality of the chakras, who are self-aware. Usually a person perceives himself a little more than the contours of his own body, but can feel himself inside the body, in the chest or in the head. For some people, “I” and the body are one and the same thing, which is also normal. The main thing is to feel yourself as a perceiving source, to feel yourself.
My body. And finally, the body. Feel your physicality, physical manifestation, feel your body from the tips of your toes to the crown, feel the contours, the real shape of your body. This is easy to do by imagining that you are slowly entering warm water.
All this is the second point of balance, a sense of self. Before starting any work, I ask a person to feel the space, themselves, their body, this is the basic sensation from which to start working, self-awareness.
3. My feelings and emotions. At this step, you need to realize your feelings, emotions, sensations, everything that this situation causes in you, namely: the picture in your head that arises when you plunge into this situation, bodily sensations, emotions, thoughts. I ask you to put your hand on your chest and unload (recognize and speak) all the pictures, bodily sensations, emotions and thoughts that you have. Awareness of our emotions and sensations makes them more manageable, what we have realized and talked about, ceases to be uncontrollable unconscious, allows us to pull out the sensation into the light and consider it. Raise your awareness and the ability to "rule yourself."
Contact with our emotions and sensations is very important, it gives us the opportunity to find the keys to our needs, including the unconscious.
4. My needs. Next, I ask you to put your hand on your stomach and say what your needs are not being met in this situation. Sometimes it’s quite difficult for a person to formulate what he wants: - “I fight because I fight”. For this case, there is a list of needs, which, like a list of emotions, I always keep at hand, usually it helps a lot.
5. My decision. Once you have realized the situation, yourself in it, your emotions and needs, you can make an adequate decision how to act in this situation. Making a decision is an action not yet taken, but I think you noticed that after a conscious choice of the direction of travel, the way out, the load of the problem evaporates somewhere, you feel free, easy and ready to face the challenge. Preparing a decision is the previous four points of balance; a decision is the direction of movement. All together is at least fifty percent of the solution to the problem, and sometimes it’s one hundred.
Exercise at five points of balance allows you to navigate in a difficult situation, get out of distress caused by external causes, and gain ground under your feet. And its regular use allows you to increase awareness and improve life.
The fulcrum in this context is a spiritual concept, which means its apparent invisibility. But even if we draw an analogy with the laws of physics, we can see that the fulcrum of any object relative to the surrounding space is only in the object itself. It can be affected by various forces, and the object itself may possess features and properties that distinguish it, but the support is always in it, even if it will be of different quality.
The fulcrum of a person is a spiritual concept, not a physical one, firstly, because a person is alive and has a soul. This is what distinguishes it from the subject and makes the methods of finding the fulcrum somewhat more complicated.
A simple example, but understandable. If the safety of an object depends only on what external forces act on it, then the safety of a person depends on his ability to correctly use his fulcrum in various situations, since a person, above all, has the will and can use this will purposefully. But a person, as well as everything on the planet, is affected by certain laws. These are the physical laws and laws of the universe, there are, of course, the laws of society, which also have a certain influence. How many various schemes and laws! And where to look for this fulcrum so that the impact of such laws will not make us an uncontrollable mass?
Such a fulcrum is within us. She has an energy property. It can not be called neither will, nor faith, nor soul. Such a fulcrum is something invisible, but allowing a person not to fall into dependence on any phenomena, situations, people, idols.
For example, it happens that a person considers his work to be the fulcrum, he merged it with his own life, destiny. In other words, for such a person, work is life, or at least one of its most important components. For a person who has an internal fulcrum, losing his job is, of course, painful, but he understands that it is replaceable, that he can earn money and fulfill himself in other places. A person will start a new business or get a job in another company. If the work was for him a fulcrum - the one on which he relied, giving the meaning of his life, then with the loss of his position or work, the meaning of life also goes away.
The internal fulcrum is not directly dependent on external circumstances. Let us try now to consider this point in ourselves, to feel it.
We note in which cases we feel most comfortable energetically. Through simple experiments, we will understand that we allow our strength and energy to flow away if we concentrate on how we are evaluated, when we direct the thought to important things, which, it seems to us (or rather, our ego), are secondary to us in essence.
This is again a simple example, but clearly showing where our energy flows. It flows away to other people when we respond to an emotional challenge from the outside, because in our minds we share our strengths with them when we give out an emotionally intense (bright) reaction to them. The lower the level of quality of the emotions that we exchange in quality, the worse we will feel. If we respond to an insult, some kind of explicit provocation conducted on the intake of energy, then we are accordingly connected to the energies of the lower astral, which cannot give anything in return except dependence. In this case, there is a loss of the fulcrum.
Such a loss occurs many more in what cases. There can be many examples and situations. It makes no sense to list all the possible. But this does not mean that you need to fence yourself off from the world, you need to be able to distinguish your states, distinguish the quality of energy, be able to work with your body and let a certain energy through you - you can learn this.
How to find a fulcrum?
There is no need to hide at all, because this can also cause discontent. But the energy trick is not to do or say something too brightly. Only we ourselves should have a sense of the importance of what we are doing. Here our energy of thought is important and where we direct it, without dependence on anyone or anything.
Now, understanding (realizing) your condition, whether it is yours or brought from outside, we gain the opportunity to work on ourselves without disappointments and illusory ideas with knowledge of the nature of things and the fact that there are no constant states in nature, they need to be changed, improved, developed, constantly something then achieving goals.
This very point of support lies in a harmonious energy state, balance. Imagine exactly what you are missing right now for such a balance. Energy may not be enough or it may be in excess. It remains to decide what is necessary - to replenish energy or to spend a little. Much depends on your personality type and the state in which you are. We can only say that the negative state of a person takes away his energy. The fulcrum is a state in which nothing affects us, and we ourselves are able to return ourselves to a state in which we act on the situation in the right way, harmoniously manifesting ourselves. (c) based on the article by Irina (Samopoznaniye)
If you feel that everything is not going according to your scenario and the whirlwind is flying ... congratulations - this is a period of change! In such moments, all sorts of troubles happen to a person. He is haunted by failures: a “frost” appears in the relationship, although everything was fabulous yesterday, everything is “electrified” at work, his health starts to fail, he lacks strength, he gets apathy, and he wants to sit down and just cry. The world seems to be crumbling.
All these events are far from the end of the world! This is a sign that you got lost and went the wrong way, and now your life makes its own adjustments so that you stop, think and find the strength in yourself to be in harmony with yourself and the world around you. These are the moments when life gives you a chance to correct everything, analyze, drop everything that pulls you down and does not allow you to develop. Probably you are so "twisted" in their affairs that you forgot about the inner world, about your true desires and dreams, you lived, realizing other people's goals.
Stop
This happened to me. For a long time I could not say goodbye to the past, and when I decided to put all the points above and, to tackle the unresolved issues that have accumulated over a long period, quit my job, which no longer allowed me to develop, but turned into a routine. I knew exactly what I wanted, namely: to find my favorite job, to break into a journey around the world. And as soon as I made a firm decision - “Yes!”, Doubts, insecurity and fear appeared inside. And I was seriously injured and broke my leg. I could not walk, lay, gained weight and gradually lost my taste for life. I could not put myself together. She didn’t want anyone to see me so helpless, and slowly lost touch with the outside world. So I became a hostage of my fears. Something broke in me, and I was not ready for it.
Insight
And then, finally, I found the strength to go outside, walk on crutches, I walked slowly and looked around, examined passers-by. Two smiling grandfathers with wands came to meet me. One of them came closer to me and said, “So young and on crutches! How so? I am an old grandfather! And here is so young! You must be healthy. ” I smiled and grandfathers moved on, already talking to each other. “Do you know why she is on crutches? I’ll tell you so! It’s just a fulcrum. ”
And I thought, there it is! I lost my foothold in life when I quit my job, leaving in the past many things that pulled the strings from me to move on to a new life, but at the same time I was so scared of the changes that I literally broke. There was a moment of truth. Being a puppet in someone’s hands was much easier for me than taking responsibility in my lifetime.
In order not to fall into the abyss of unpleasant coincidences, you need to be able to listen to yourself, to stop, not to run headlong after happiness, money, success! This is the same fulcrum! This is a belief in yourself, so that it does not happen in life! This is a hope for a happy future and gratitude for every moment!
I found my fulcrum - it's me!
“To exist in this world already means to have a relationship with him. And just as we relate to the world in general, we relate to everything that surrounds us. After all, parents and people are familiar and unfamiliar, and all objects, and animals are part of the world. But the matter is not simply limited to existence in the given circumstances. Relations with the world - this is primarily the comprehension of the rules of the game, which is called life.
Surprisingly, in philosophy this topic was developed only by Martin Heidegger - at the beginning of the twentieth century *. He described such rules, calling them "existentials." These are the conditions on which we exist in the world, "the reality of our existence." After all, we come to a situation that we do not choose. Gender and epoch, parents and nationality, social stratum and even, for example, the city in which we live, are none of this we choose. Therefore, our task is to accept these facts. And even if we plan to move to another city or want to break into a different social stratum or even change our gender, we must first accept that we live in this city now, were born a man or a woman ... Then we can understand that this does not suit us , and try to change, but it all starts with acceptance. Heidegger saw the essence of the decision to stop being afraid of his circumstances, to learn to look at them calmly.
Our relations with the world are formed in the first seven years of life. The second seven years is dedicated to our relationships with other people. In the third, we build relationships with ourselves. First, the child opens the world and learns to interact with him. A model for such an interaction is his relationship with his mother: for the baby, the mother is the world. After a year and a half, other factors are also included: confidence in the world arises not only thanks to parents. After all, a relationship with him is a personal decision for each of us. We have the freedom to trust the world.
The word "trust" is not accidental here. Remember how a little child learns reality. He either snuggles up to his mother, or, having made sure that he is safe, sets off to explore the world. And the distance of these “shuttle expeditions” is increasing every time. The child learns that the earth is solid and that you can walk on it, that the neighbor's dog is kind and will not bite, that the swing in the yard is strong and will not break. He learns to trust: mother, nature, people and his powers.
How is fundamental trust experienced? Here's how: I put part of my problems on something or someone, on some kind of support - and the support survived! Moreover, there is no obligatory love and joy, there is only experience in relations with people who accepted me. So I can be and they give me to be!
Our whole life, our relationship with the world is the search and creation of supports on which you can put part of the burden of your life. We make friends, learn the profession, create a family. The support can be the structure in which we work, and relationships with colleagues, and our abilities and interests, people and groups of people ... One of the most important supports is our own body. We feel well rooted when we have many supports.
The decision on trust is also related to the realism of our perception. The closer to reality our assessment of one or another support, the less disappointment and more confidence in people and ourselves. Supports are usually brought up by someone who does not agree to accept reality, who wants to remake it at his discretion and does not perceive something that does not meet his expectations. The world does not fit into schemes and theories at all. (The only reliable statement about him is that he guarantees nothing to any of us.) Only an open position of trusting curiosity can save.
By the way, stories about grievances that can be overcome are overcome by forgiveness - these are always stories about reliance that did not live up to expectations. And one of the practices of forgiveness is precisely to help a person understand: could the one who turned out to be an unreliable support, withstand the burden placed on him? Gratitude, on the contrary, is an experience related to the fact that my support did not let me down. Anything can happen to any of us at any moment - this is one of the main rules of the game. And this is the biggest test of our relationship with the world. When all the pillars collapse, will there be something left? How can I be at peace then? And can I be? Or will I fall into this abyss of horror and despair, because there are no more supports?
In existential analysis there is the concept of the "basis of being." This is an experience rooted, as a rule, in previous experience. Experiencing that even if all the supports collapse, something will still remain. This very complex philosophical construction is nevertheless intuitively clear to anyone who is content with the phrase: "It never happened that it never did." This is the basis of our being.
I really like the image of the world as a trampoline stretched over the abyss. You can look in horror through the net into the abyss. And you can focus your eyes on the interweaving of this grid itself, realizing that it has withstood us more than once. Yes, tossed - so that we clumsily fell on her. But she did. And stand again. A person with such a focus of vision, with such an attitude to the world is well arranged in life - regardless of everything else. This ultimate experience of trust is often called God by people. But it is not a matter of faith in specific gods. This is a matter of our relations with the world. ”
* M. Heidegger "Being and Time" (Academic project, 2013).
We all have to deal with poisonous people. We are talking about people with manipulative inclinations, making subjective judgments and inattentive to the feelings of other people. Communication with such representatives of society can be very uncomfortable, especially if you have to see each other every day.
But first, let's decide who these toxic people are. Here are 9 signs of a poisonous person.
1. They talk more than listen.
Toxic people have narcissistic tendencies, and they are unable to concentrate on anything other than themselves. This contradicts the Buddhist worldview, in which compassion and kindness to other people (and to oneself) are of paramount importance.
2. They think they are never wrong.
Everything that they say is right, and everything that you say is wrong. Toxic people do not want to learn and react very sharply to criticism.
3. Drama accompanies them everywhere.
They always experience some kind of tragedy. But if you offer advice, they will simply say that this will not work.
4. They build all relationships for show.
All their love affairs are ostentatious, since they do everything just so that other people can see it. They don’t just know how to enjoy a relationship.
5. Their personal experience is a standard with which they compare everything.
They value all things based on their personal life experiences. For example, if they hate yoga, then it is a 100% waste of time, and arguing with them is useless.
6. They often lie.
To some extent, they benefit from their lies, so they lie without a twinge of conscience.
7. They lack tact in communicating with other people.
One of the signs of poisonous people is the lack of empathy and a sense of superiority over others. They are proud of their honesty, so they never bother to choose words when they want to get something from others.
8. They are trying to control other people.
They want you to act in a certain way for their benefit.
9. They like to talk about others.
They like to mock others for their eyes in order to increase their own self-esteem.
“The deeper your awareness of the current moment, the calmer you will be towards hostility. And the longer you think about it, the deeper you will understand how much this person must suffer inside in order to behave in this way. This knowledge will allow you to relate to these people with the necessary degree of compassion and compassion, which will give you the opportunity to maintain maximum calm when communicating with them.
In the end, with a sufficient degree of compassion and insight, you can easily put out the fire of hostility ... When people see that they are treated well, despite the manifestation of hostility, they themselves change their behavior for the better. Helping them to get rid of the poison that sits inside them, you help yourself, because in the end you will see a different person who is set up to you in a positive way. ”
Publisher: Knarik Petrosyan - February 18, 2019
Entrepreneur, marketer Dan Waldschmidt on his blog shares provocative, and sometimes just sobering, ideas on how to get things going. Here are 26 more such ideas. (In the original, the tips are matched to the letters of the English alphabet.)
Achieve more. Get things done. Stop starting - start ending.
Believe in more. Remember that you have enough strength to conquer the world.
Chat more. Stop thinking that everyone understands you already. Share with people what drives you.
Admire more. Bring the world a sense of wonder and excitement. Be unexpected.
Influence more. Help others recognize the changes they want to make.
Give more. Live for the love of others. Give others as much as you would like to receive.
Help more. Extend a helping hand even when you need both hands for your own affairs.
More innovation. Be a creator, puppeteer and artist. Design beautiful.
Unite more. Help people, ideas and opportunities find each other. Connect them.
Get on your knees. Modesty will take you further than arrogance and a tendency to blame others.
Learn more. Never be satisfied with what you think you know. Open your mind.
Get the most out of more. Take available resources and tailor them to your needs.
Cherish and grow. Get good people into a great relationship. Let people be a priority.
Be a pioneer. Leave a mark after you. Take risks and move into the unknown.
Delineate more. Learn to say “NO” to good opportunities that do not open up huge prospects for you.
Repair more. Fix all the “problems with people” in your life. Correct your financial problems and deal with your health.
Specialize more. Do one thing well — instead of doing a dozen things in a row.
Experiment more. Press all the buttons. Turn all the knobs. Formulate your own conclusions.
Discover more. Stop paying attention to superficial problems - look into the soul.
Win more. Stop losing. Start doing what brings quick wins.
Analyze more. Be honest about your intentions and motives.
Scream more. Speak out loud and out loud about what matters most to you.
Turn around more. See what everyone else considers necessary for you, and do the opposite.
When we feel unhappy, do not despair. We need to gradually change our thinking and behavior, so that these changes bring us closer to happiness.
At such moments, going forward, continuing your path in life becomes difficult if there is no serious motive to do so. But such a motive is easy to find, it is you yourself.
When we do not care about satisfying our emotional needs, when it seems to us that nothing depends on us, the world seems to be turned upside down.
You can try to cheer yourself up, you can say to yourself “time heals everything, the black line will pass ...”, but it doesn’t help much. You need to "take fate into your own hands."
Yes, there are times when nothing pleases us. But you can’t allow bad moments to turn into bad life ...
We will explain how to do it.
Strategies in a situation where nothing pleases
If nothing pleases us, if we feel that for three months we will have to live in a terrible mood, with insomnia, apathy, and a loss of interest in everything, it is worthwhile to consult a doctor.
It is possible that we have depression, and you need to consult a specialist who will diagnose and tell you how to deal with the disease.
Perhaps the diagnosis of depression will not be confirmed. In any case, the strategies that we will talk about will be useful.
Consider your rhythm: now everything is slower
We feel bad, we cannot and should not hide it. Why smile and pretend that everything is fine when we are sad and we feel apathy?
Do not try to portray feelings that you do not feel.
- You have the right to sadness and sorrow. Negative emotions bring certain benefits, they show us that "something in our life needs to be changed."
Consider the fact that your mind and body are now acting more slowly. They kind of tell us that we don’t need to rush, but we need to delve into our thoughts in order to understand what is happening and find a way out of this situation.
Focus not on how you feel, but on what you need to do
In this state, you often feel anger, sadness, you want to sleep, and then - to talk with someone.
You need to focus your attention not on what you feel, but on what needs to be done.
- I need to look good.
- I need to be alone.
- I need to have new dreams.
- You need to start all over again.
- You need to stop feeling sad.
- I want to be needed by people.
- I want to have a high self-esteem.
Do something every day to make you feel better
You cannot improve your condition instantly. You need to work on this constantly, gradually changing your thinking and behavior.
These small daily activities improve our emotional state, and we gradually begin to feel better.
To be happy, you need to be able to give up some things and even people. This is not always easy to do, it takes some courage.
- We must learn to listen to our needs, to our conscience. Then we can understand that these or other things contradict our essence, they do not allow us to be happy.
- Refuse - means and complete certain stages, life "cycles". It is important to be able to determine that which no longer brings us anything good, does not enrich us, that which makes us feel bad.
- The fact that we are unhappy is often not to blame. Rather, our fears and self-doubt, which close our door to happiness, are to blame.
Learn to identify these internal “pests” and get rid of them. No effort should be pitied for this.
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Some people think that you dominate. Some just think you're rude. But none of them are right. These words, in fact, do not reflect your personality.
Strong people do not need to win, they just do not want to let other people crawl on their neck. Of course, some people may be afraid of you. But this is only because they do not understand how you can be so comfortable with yourself that you do not need anyone else.
Here are eight signs that you are a strong personality that can scare some people.
1. You do not like excuses
Strong personalities do not tolerate excuses. When you are a strong personality, you do not want to listen to people who miss any occasion. You better focus on what you can do and how you can overcome obstacles in order to do more.
2. You care about what you put into your life
As a strong person, you do not rely on other people, you clearly understand - “who” you are, “why you need” you, or “what you can do.” You acknowledge that some people must do the same in order to feel better.
3. You hate talking about anything
Useless conversation is terrible. If you are a strong person, you have a lot of ideas. You don’t want to waste time gossiping about people when you can change the world.
4. You cannot tolerate numbness, idiocy, or ignorance
Strong personalities are the result of caring and awareness. There is a huge difference between them and the dominants.
Since you spent time and energy using your brain, you hate it when people make instant judgments about things that they know nothing about. This is probably your best quality, but not because you can use your knowledge to influence people. This is because you can use it to encourage people to actually think about what they say before doing it.
5. Do you know how to listen
Strong personalities know how to listen. You might think that people would appreciate it. But, in fact, being heard and encouraged is a fear for people who are not used to it.
6. You do not need attention
Strong personalities do not need attention. Most of the people you come across think that you are succeeding in charisma, but this is not true. The amount of your communication goes off scale, not because you want this, but because people need people like you.
7. You are fearless
Okay, that’s not true. There are probably a couple of things that you fear. But the difference between you and other people is that you do not allow this fear to dictate how you live your life.
8. You strive for growth and development
Insecurity for you is an opportunity to do better. You know that you are not perfect, but if you are trying to learn and develop, despite the risk of looking stupid.
Publisher: Knarik Petrosyan - February 18, 2019,
I recently received three emails with the same mark: "I am ready to start all over again." This synchronization caught my attention, made me think. All three people described in detail the situations from their lives, and all three simultaneously asked the same question:
“I don’t know what to do, where to go, I only know that I want to be successful ... But what should I do?”
Obviously, it is not so easy to find the answer to such a radical and open question. But I will try to do it - for all of us. I offer you 5 principles and strategies by which I live myself. These are 5 ways to change your life at any age.
1. Focus less on the future, and more on the present.
I agree, it is absolutely normal to plan your future. But - not to the detriment of today. The truth is that no matter how smart you are, and no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to accurately model your tomorrow. Even people who always have a carefully thought-out plan (for example, all the steps for mastering the profession of a doctor, doing business, etc.) are spelled out, in fact, cannot predict what awaits them along the way. It would be naive to hope that everything will be exactly as you planned.
Life rarely goes according to plan. For every person who set a goal and walked unhindered towards it, until they reach, there are hundreds of those who came to the start strong and confident, but did not reach the finish line. And if this happened to you, that's okay. Unforeseen circumstances and new opportunities can grow in front of you, like mushrooms after the rain.
Perhaps in order to adjust your perspective, strengthen your determination, and perhaps in order to help you understand that you are going the wrong way and should be minimized. It is possible that the place where you will be tomorrow does not even exist today. For example, some 10 years ago it was impossible to imagine that you can make a career on Google, Facebook or Twitter.
So, if you cannot plan your future, then what should you do? Focus less on the future. Focus on what you can do today, no matter what tomorrow brings you.
Read. Write. Learn new and practice it. Test your new skills and ideas. Create something new. Work on your relationship. All this will help you when you encounter unforeseen circumstances in the future.
One of the best ways to start implementing all this, I think, is to do or create something even very small in your free time. Most people spend their free time on things that are completely useless for their lives - watching TV shows, video games, social networks, and more. One year of such pastime - and you will have absolutely no ideas or desires left.
But if you draw every day, or study graphic design, or write a blog, or open and maintain your channel on YouTube, or write a business project, or spend more time with people with relevant skills ... in a year you can create something or do it. In addition, you will get a tremendous life experience, because you can proudly say: "I created something and what many people can not do."
It should be noted that this is on the shoulder not only young, easy to climb, but for each of us - regardless of age. Everything is very simple: every day, take at least a small step in the right direction, day after day, and so on - all your life.
2. Focus on the journey itself, not on achievements.
We gain the most valuable experience in life not in achieving something, but in the search for ways and solutions. The most important is your journey to the endless horizon, when the goals move with you, and you are calm, confident in yourself.
Why should we constantly go forward, move from one point to another? To understand the difference, to realize how the previous from the next differed, see what is between the two points of your route. In the process of this, a lot of wonderful things will happen to you: you will meet your love, become stronger, gain invaluable experience. It is impossible to get all this without moving forward, without your journey through life.
In other words, the right trip is our destination.
3. Do difficult things.
If you want to stop growing and stop, think of an excuse for yourself. A lot of excuses. And vice versa, if you want to get out of this “trap”, do things that literally push you out of your comfort zone. Do what you never did.
There is not a single plausible excuse to abandon this. Not a single one - to repeat the same mistakes with enviable persistence. Life is too short. You must finally throw off your fetters and feel free.
One of the most important skills that you should acquire in life is to learn how to stay calmly outside the comfort zone from time to time. Because truly worthwhile and magnificent things enter our lives only this way - it’s hard, painful, with effort.
Acquiring each new skill is not easy. Building a business is hard. Writing books is hard. Getting married is also not easy. And to raise children - as well. And keep fit. Everything is not easy and requires our efforts and efforts.
If you do not learn to do complex things, you will not do and will not achieve anything.
How to achieve all this? Purposefully do things that are difficult for you every day. Start with the smallest and gradually complicate the tasks. Start with 10 minutes if at first it’s very difficult for you.
Exercise every day for a month until you move to a slightly more difficult level. Try, for example, to meditate or exercise in writing every evening for at least 10 minutes - to begin with. When you feel that the level of discomfort has decreased - you can increase the time of classes.
4. Reconcile with uncertainty.
Developing the skill of “implementing complex things” is directly related to a sense of uncertainty. For example, if you decide to start your own business, which is commendable and wonderful. But if you are afraid of uncertainty - you can miss a lot.
You cannot know for sure how things will go, and in order to quickly respond to all challenges, you need to use new opportunities: come up with new projects, make new acquaintances. All this, of course, only adds uncertainty.
But if you accept uncertainty, you will simply discover a sea of \u200b\u200bnew opportunities. Of course, no one promises that it will be easy ...
Sometimes you don’t even fully understand which direction you are going. Each step will be difficult and will seem impossible. But you must remember that as long as you follow your intuition and take at least a small step every day in the direction of your goal, your internal GPS will lead you to your destination.
You will understand that you are a good person and you are doing everything right. That you are in the right place at the right time. Trust your instincts (intuition). Relax. You know what you are doing. Living is learning on the go.
Do not forget: life is a rather risky business. Your every decision, every initiative, every step is a risk. Even in the morning, when you get out of bed - you are already quite a bit, but at risk. In truth, life means knowing about this risk and accepting it, while never deceiving yourself. The choice is small: either do not get out of bed, comforting yourself with illusory security, or take risks and live.
If you simply ignore your feelings and allow uncertainty to triumph over you, this is bad. After all, you will never know anything for sure. And this uncertainty is even worse than finding confirmation of your worst guesses. After all, if you are mistaken, you can always correct everything and continue onward, without looking back and not being afraid of what lies ahead.
Afterword: when you learn to accept discomfort and uncertainty, absolutely everything will be on your shoulder. You can do what you were afraid to even think about yesterday. For example, traveling the world and blogging about it, writing a book, starting a business, moving to another city, learning to play some musical instrument, changing a profession, sailing to the island of your dreams with your family and much, much more. You do not need to wait years to do this. You can do it now, but with one condition - you have to accept discomfort and uncertainty. Well, remember: better late than never.
5. Work on your relationships with other people.
There are people whom you consider good, and there are those who you absolutely do not like. There are false and hypocritical, but there are real and sincere friends. There are people who hurt you with the very heart, and there are people who will help heal these wounds. You decide who to spend time with.
True friends are always honest, they will always come to your aid - exactly at the moment when you will need it most. Keep in touch with people who support you and keep their word.
In truth, if you spend your time on bad and unnecessary relationships for you (personal or professional), and vice versa - you will not spend much time on strengthening good relations, you will fall into the trap of fleeting novels and superficial friendships. Understanding this anyway will overtake you one day, so carefully analyze your relationship.
How to build healthy, lasting personal and professional relationships? How to find friends with whom you will grow, become better? How to meet the right people?
Chat! Chat every day with a lot of people, even if it’s uncomfortable for you. The bosses. Colleagues. Subordinates. Professors. Workers Mentors. Neighbors. Friends. Friends of friends. Everything! So the "network" of their people is built.
I changed three jobs after graduating from college (then I started my own business), but only the first employer interviewed me. The other two offered me a job without wasting time talking. However, they were guided only by the recommendations of the previous employer. And this is normal practice: to ask about a person those whom you trust.
If you already today begin to create a “network” of your people, this will work for you for many years to come. You will meet new acquaintances, new colleagues, former colleagues, etc. This is similar to the “snowball” effect and should last your whole life.
Again, do not think that this applies only to young people who easily make new friends. This can easily be done at any age. It would only be a desire.
The main thing is to be sincere and honest in all respects. When someone provides you with the opportunity to work with him, he is most afraid that you will not meet his expectations. Therefore, people who are always honest, care about their reputation - have more chances in life. Try to be always open and sincere in your relationships with everyone. If you have been shown errors, have the courage to acknowledge and work on them. Try to go beyond your personal or professional relationships when evaluating people - be it your boss or subordinate.
If you adhere to these principles, you can easily gain a good reputation and build healthy and strong relationships with other people. And this is the best way to get a good job, invest in your business or make a good friend.
Afterword
If you adhere to the principles described in this article, your life will radically change. You will be able to do and achieve much more than other people. There’s no reason to even compare. You will have a ton of new opportunities: build a career, create something incredible with someone, come up with an idea for a business, acquire skills for your further growth, etc.
Of course, you can not do all this and choose the easiest way in life. Thus - continue to move along the familiar circle of old problems and despair.
Or you can start the change from today, and make sure that the world around you is also changing.